I just read a Facebook post that is being copy/pasted at 4 am that seriously made me cry. Y’all I’m talking like tears flowing down my cheeks, through my hair, and onto my pillow. Sometimes it is so damn hard to explain what I am going through, so when someone else’s words do it for me, I feel seen. I feel heard. I don’t feel so alone.
It is difficult for me to explain my emotions to my loved ones and this post (shared below) spoke words that I have trouble admitting or saying.
I am on two of the medicines listed at the beginning of this post. I am on four of all together for PTSD, racing thoughts, social anxiety and depression. I probably should be on meds for ADHD but we aren't even there yet. I have fought taking medicine for the last 20, yes TWENTY, years. But it became a abundantly clear this year that sleep, well wishes, nutrition and exercise was not enough on its own for me to function.
I’m still not balanced completely. I still make medication adjustments monthly. I’m still discovering what works and what doesn’t. I might always be adjusting and that's just part of my life now.
Without these medications, I can’t function. Literally. I will never be able to have meaningful relationships. I won’t be able to put my whole effort into a career. With them, I have hope. I have a chance. Without these medications, I feel worthless. I feel like I don't deserve anyones time, commitment, love, support. With them, I am learning to accept that people genuinely do care about me.
Not everyone deserves to hear my story, but I’m going to keep sharing it anyhow because I want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Medicine is NOTHING to be ashamed about. I want you to know you are stronger than you believe and you have it in you. I know you do. I know I do.
The first time I went on medicine for depression, I was 14 years old. I stopped within a couple years because "I didn't need it." Since then it's been a roller coaster of maybe I need them. Maybe I don't. I'm fine without them. I'm broken. Exercise and diet will "fix" me. But the fact is, I'm not not in need of "fixing." I am in need of balancing what is not balanced inside my brain. It IS an actual, real, illness. No I don't have a broken bone or wounds that you can readily see, but I am fighting a daily battle with a disease. I'm not broken. I just have an illness that needs attention like a diabetic needs their insulin, I need my meds.
And kids, I got this! I know I do.
Here is the post! Also if you know who originally wrote this let me know so I can give credit!!! These are not my words but I certainly can relate.